Ups' and Downs'

This two weeks there are too much things happen to me. 

First, mum scold me for not paying rental for 4 months.

Second, I met an accident last night (24.11.2012).

And Today, I said break up to him.

The word that I never wanna say out,

But recently I feel that he unhappy, very suffer, like many things troubling him, 

I believe I am one of the trouble too.

"Boy, I really don't want to break up with you. never ever. But you know, whenever i see you unhappy, suffer, and you not willing to tell me, you know how pain is my heart? I feel that I just nothing to you. I doesn't want only share happiness of you, but your sadness too. But why you again and again faced it all by yourself? Why you don't want let me know even it might hurt me? I don't mind, i really don't mind, i just want you be more happy. I never meet a guy like you before, pamper me, love me, care me, worry me, care me, protect me, surprise me. You know, you really the only guy that did so much to me, although you hurt me too.But i never put in heart before.I don't know, if other girls they definitely will put in heart n blame but for me, I really don't mind at all. Although I still got shadow with it, but I told myself that I should trust you or else the relationship will go worst. Boy, do you know my heart? Do you know how important yourself are in my heart? I am regret saying break up but if i don't, you will keep suffer. I don't know what should i do. end up I rather I suffer all alone, living with all the memories you left for me, and hope you happy. I wish one day you will come back to me and saying that you still loving me. Please remember no matter what happen, I will always be here for you till my last breath. I love you"

Please allow me to cry silently tonight

The second day I be at Kampar for this semester. 

I was missing you so freaking badly. 

I wanna text you badly, but I so scare that I interrupted your activities. 

Finally I take a deep breath and text you, but what I get is no reply.

Checked your FB, and only I knew that you are at Euro House celebrating with your college friends.

My very first reaction is, tears drop. 

I been wonder : 

Am I your girlfriend?

What am I really is in your heart?

Why am I always the last one to know your things?

Why I need cry so much for you?

Why you know nothing?

A lots and lots of questions in my mind.

Why you never let me really go into your life?

I really do not have enough qualification to into it?

I always tell myself that tomorrow will be a better for both of us. 

Two nights,I been crying to hipo 2 nights. 

No matter how unhappy am I, how much I need you right now, 

I still meed act like nothing in front of you.

Do you know that I am acting sometimes?

You know that you are my BIGGEST support. 

You know that you mean everything to me. 

I swear, I really dint want to ask for more,

I just wish you love me more, care me more, talk more about your real-self to me. 

I wish that our happiness moment can maintain forever, 

although I know that life got ups and downs, 

but as I always say that I will be by your side and through every stage of life with you, FOREVER. 

I say it, I meant it . 

Every night, I told myself that I need to be strong, I need to be strong, 

or else when you in the down part of your life, I couldn't go along with you. 

Sometimes, I really wish that I have the courage to ask you , 

"Are you really happy from your heart when with me?"

I always scare the answer.

A lots and lots of questions I want to ask you, 

but I really very scare the answer and abandon by you. 

Facebook, I definitely cannot talk so much 

Twitter, I cannot to explore myself anymore, people will feel that I very pattern 

Blog, the only way to put out all my feelings, as I abandon so long, I believe no one gonna continue reading my blog. 

I wish after I cry, I could sleep well tonight. 

Whenever I at Kampar, I could not sleep well without you. I will wake up in the middle of the night for few times.

Randomly update

Been 7 months dint put on any post on here. 

Look likes I am abandon you badly.

Well, faced lots of ups' and downs' through this half year. 

And now come to the miserable of part of my life. 

I couldn't make any decision for it.

To be continue or not to be? 

First time get termination from the Uni,

that moment was totally lost. 

Thanks God that you are here with me,

or else I really couldn't continue my life. 

Hopefully that everything could be settle down by this week.

God bless me

7 months, 

Me and Him had gone through ONE YEAR, 5MONTHS and 9 DAYS.

After a trip from Genting and also a betrayed moment, 

I could confirm to tell you that, 

All I love is still YOU.

Through the one year, really have lots of things happened to us,

I am glad that we overcome all.

I really proud to be your girlfriend.

From the day you start your intern till the day you end, 

I feel that our relationship seem getting much much more better. 

You know, I always feel secure when you are beside,

holding my hands, hugging me, kissing my forehead,

it let me feel that I owned the world. 

Honestly, I din't ask for more, 

what I want is to be with you as long as we could be.

(of course I wish I could have a fairy tale ending)

Boy, we never make promises to each other, 

what we make is try our best to go through all the test that God give us.

I wish we could face it all together. 

ILOVEYOU