Monday, November 5, 2012

Please allow me to cry silently tonight

The second day I be at Kampar for this semester. 
I was missing you so freaking badly. 
I wanna text you badly, but I so scare that I interrupted your activities. 
Finally I take a deep breath and text you, but what I get is no reply.
Checked your FB, and only I knew that you are at Euro House celebrating with your college friends.
My very first reaction is, tears drop. 
I been wonder : 
Am I your girlfriend?
What am I really is in your heart?
Why am I always the last one to know your things?
Why I need cry so much for you?
Why you know nothing?
A lots and lots of questions in my mind.
Why you never let me really go into your life?
I really do not have enough qualification to into it?
I always tell myself that tomorrow will be a better for both of us. 
Two nights,I been crying to hipo 2 nights. 
No matter how unhappy am I, how much I need you right now, 
I still meed act like nothing in front of you.
Do you know that I am acting sometimes?
You know that you are my BIGGEST support. 
You know that you mean everything to me. 
I swear, I really dint want to ask for more,
I just wish you love me more, care me more, talk more about your real-self to me. 
I wish that our happiness moment can maintain forever, 
although I know that life got ups and downs, 
but as I always say that I will be by your side and through every stage of life with you, FOREVER. 
I say it, I meant it . 
Every night, I told myself that I need to be strong, I need to be strong, 
or else when you in the down part of your life, I couldn't go along with you. 
Sometimes, I really wish that I have the courage to ask you , 
"Are you really happy from your heart when with me?"
I always scare the answer.
A lots and lots of questions I want to ask you, 
but I really very scare the answer and abandon by you. 
Facebook, I definitely cannot talk so much 
Twitter, I cannot to explore myself anymore, people will feel that I very pattern 
Blog, the only way to put out all my feelings, as I abandon so long, I believe no one gonna continue reading my blog. 
I wish after I cry, I could sleep well tonight. 
Whenever I at Kampar, I could not sleep well without you. I will wake up in the middle of the night for few times.

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